She opened her right eye quickly and shut it. Then she opened her right eye again, peeking at the door. It was closed and she was alone in the bedroom now. Sighing into her pacifier, she flipped over from her tummy onto her back.
She couldn’t sleep. She just wasn’t tired. She had tried to sleep, but simply had too much energy in her.
Everything around her felt so soft and so nice to the touch, from the mattress cover beneath her to the baby blanket on top of her to the nightie she was dressed in to the diaper around her waist.
Her Daddy had lied her down in her crib, covered her with blankets and filled the space around her with her favorite stuffed animals, making certain to tuck the stuffed animals in as well when he tucked her in, kissed her on the forehead raised up the side of her crib and quietly exited the room just a few short minutes ago.
She smiled widely at the thought of him. He was never too far from her thoughts and had never left her heart. Maybe that was what made him so very important to her. They had met and fallen in love, hardly needing to try. Some things just simply happen because they were supposed to and having the courage to accept those gifts of life wasn’t always the easiest thing for her to do.
Why was this hard for her? Because acceptance was easy, but believing that good thing can happen would only hurt worse should they not come to be. It was hard to believe what she wanted to believe and protect her heart at the same time.
She had known all her life that she would always be a Daddy’s girl. It was when she was at her happiest and she knew she would always be searching for a connection with someone who could make her feel that secure and that comfortable and that loved. There was no question in her mind about what she sought or the kind of guy she was looking for. When she met him, she would know if he was the right one.
So when she met the guy who was now her Daddy, she knew that her journey was at an end. She had never called anyone Daddy before, not other than her real father. It was a name she saved for the one person who knew what it meant to her. Her life seemed so much richer having met someone who nurtured the littleness inside her.
Her words couldn’t always describe how being his BabyGirl made her feel, but her emotions and her thoughts made it so clear to her. She wished sometimes that she had the words to tell him what he meant to her. Certainly she told him all the time that she loved him, but it went so much deeper than just one sentence. Her fear and apprehension was that he didn’t feel for her as deeply. She had no reason to believe he loved her less, but it was that sense of not knowing which made it such a difficult insecurity to deal with. Added in was the fact that she never told him how insecure she was about this.
Her fears often controlled her actions, keeping her from being able to believe, which was why make-believe was so wonderful. In make-believe, she was strong and could overcome her fears. In make-believe, she felt safe and she could let her little side out. But it was her Daddy who had shown her that real life could feel just as safe and that she could let her little side out whenever she wanted.
———————————–Thoughts and Other Journeys of the Mind Short and Sweet Stories The Home Sweet Home Stories The Stories of Time Yittlin Extreme