here is a late night look into the center of a BabyGirl’s Heart.
“Reaching the Center of Her Little Heart”
Her dreams were sweetest when on the nights she spent in her crib. It was her only place and a tiny part of her little world which she could call her own. It was a safe place and one created for her by her Daddy – the most wonderful and important person in her life.
But nightmares would sometimes creep in to spoil her perfect place. These nightmares would be hardest to stir out of and recover from after days her Daddy declared to be Daddy-n-BabyGirl days. It was on these days that he would baby her, from the moment she awoke to the moment she fell asleep in his arms in the evening. Her senses were softened. Her heart was touched. And she was capable only of the little thoughts which would usher her into her BabyGirl dream land.
Daddy-n-BabyGirl days were the stuff which a BabyGirl’s imagination was made of. And the day she had just been through was one such bit of wonderful fantasy.
But now, at 3 am, she startled awake, staring at the nightlight – the only source of light in her nursery.
Lying on her tummy and nursing on her pacifier, she wiped away a tear which had rolled down her right cheek. She fussed under her baby blanket trying to turn over, but simply couldn’t. Not only had she awakened from a nightmare, but her diaper was soaked. She had wet herself in her sleep again and from the cramps in her tummy, she knew she would soon be more than wet.
Helplessness had its drawbacks sometimes. And when helpless wasn’t enjoyable, it was overwhelming.
Sobbing softly into her pacifier, she clung tightly to her teddy bear as she clenched the cheeks of her bottom together in the hopes that the need to poop would pass until morning. Closing her eyes, she tried to go back to sleep, but the cramps wouldn’t go away.
She had grown accustomed to being a wet BabyGirl for a longer stretch of time. She knew that every night she slept in her crib, her Daddy would come in during the night to check on her and change her diaper if it was needed. Sometimes, she slept right through her diaper changes because of how gentle he was with her.
But she couldn’t stand the feeling of being messy, sometimes telling her Daddy she needed changed before she was done pooping – just so she could be changed as quickly as possible when finished.
Her bottom shook as the urge increased. She kept her cheeks clenched together. She was determined to defeat the poop fairy this time. But when her determination wasn’t enough to win out, she became upset – so much so to the point that she could no longer think straight or make regular decisions for herself.
As a distraction, she thought back to all the wonderful events of the Daddy-n-BabyGirl day that had been – of how wonderful her Daddy was, of how much she loved him and of how much she needed him in her life.
But not even happy thoughts could keep the inevitable from happening. And because she had been holding it in, the pressure to release was even greater now.
She felt the first little bit open her rosebud and begin to creep out. Clenching her cheeks for all she was worth, she fought the need to let any more come out. But as her muscles finally weakened, she had to release them and when she did, the back of her diaper puffed out.
She began to gently weep as she felt herself emptying her bowels and filling the back of her diaper. It wasn’t that she had pooped herself that had upset her so much. And it wasn’t that it felt icky on her bottom that made her cry. It was the fact that she couldn’t stop it from happening and she was forced to lie there on her tummy in the middle of her crib as she helplessly accepted the failure that her determination couldn’t prevent.
She sobbed some more, trying not to move, but as her mind drifted off into little thoughts she soon forgot to stay still and this time, successfully flipped over onto her back, blinking at the glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling that had faded their illuminations. Now the mess was spread across her entire bottom and that was when she started crying for real.
The pacifier fell from her lips and she covered her face as she broken down. It hardly took her Daddy anytime to appear at the nursery door.
“What is it, Rebecca?” her Daddy asked as he walked over to her crib, lowering its side.
He picked up the pacifier that had fallen from her lips, placing it back in her mouth where it belonged.
“Shh, shh, shh,” he whispered while brushing away the streaming tears from her cheeks.
And in a single instant, he had reached the center of her little heart. Because of this, she was able to calm down and find the comfort which her littleness required. She knew: now that her Daddy was here to take care of her, everything would be all right.
“It’s okay, Princess,” her Daddy said with that soft, kind tone he used to calm her down.
His voice was the trigger of many things inside her and when his deep timbre echoed in her ears, she regressed.
Placing his hand on the underside of her diaper, she bent her knees, parting them and drawing her legs up, instinctively to his touch. Her hands cupped into gentle fists as her fingers curled up. She placed them along either side of her head.
She nursed on her pacifier, gazing up at her daddy with all the love that innocence could understand. She felt so small, lying in her crib and positioned to be changed. The dreams of her heart were only the beginning of a life she knew wouldn’t be complete until she found her place.
And she had accomplished that very thing. Her place was in his arms, in his car, in his heart in the center of a world he created for her. She couldn’t have been happier if she had tried. Looking for her dreams in life was pleasing. Actually finding her dreams in him was wonderful.
She heard him unfastening the tapes at her hips and lowering the front of her diaper down to the crib mattress.
“You are such a little angel,” he whispered.
At one point, she feared what his reaction might be at a moment like that, but repeatedly he had shown her that it was not only okay to feel little, but also to be little.
And she felt very little, lying there on a poopy diaper, the mess of which was still covering her bottom. She watched him walk over to the changing table and kneel down to the shelves beneath the mat. He yawned as he gathered what he needed to change her. Helplessness had become enjoyable again.
He walked back over to her and brought her legs together, lifting them and her bottom up in the air. She whimpered at the position, not for any discomfort, but for the sake of release of her emotions.
You are a messy little girl. Aren’t you Rebecca?” her Daddy asked.
Her tummy fluttered at the mixture of her name with the words little girl. She felt him taking the front of her diaper and cleaning her bottom with it. She whimpered again as she battled with a moment of modesty and exposure.
He remained gentle, taking a wipe to her skin as his hands treated her as if she were made of China glass. Situating her new diaper on the crib mattress beneath her, he took powder to her bottom, evening it out with the caress she had grown to crave from him.
She sighed sweetly, closing her eyes and smiling behind her pacifier.
“That’s a good girl,” he whispered with a gentle timbre.
His praise of her, his wonderful touch and the serenity of the moment began to calm her back to the point of drowsiness. He lowered her bottom into the softness of her diaper, laying her legs flat to the mattress as he took the wipe to her front.
Her eyelids were growing heavy once more.
Taking powder to her front side, from hip to hip and between her legs, he drew the front of the diaper up snugly, fastening the tapes at her hips.
She whimpered once more, faintly this time.
“Shh, shh, shh,” he softly shushed as he gently rolled her back onto her tummy, the one and only position she would fall asleep in.
He stayed by her side for a few minutes, patting her diapered bottom and softly humming. Then he tucked her teddy bear under her arm and covered her with her baby blanket, bringing the side of the crib back up into place.
Sliding the rocking chair up next to the crib, he took a seat and closed his eyes. He had reached the center of her little heart and he wasn’t going leave it.
There he remained for the rest of the night.
———————————–Thoughts and Other Journeys of the Mind Short and Sweet Stories The Home Sweet Home Stories The Stories of Time Yittlin Extreme